Controversial Convictions & Close-Minded Condemnations

Once in a while we meet someone who challenges our way of thinking. I like to think of myself as completely open-minded. I have a very curious nature and the only way to continue to experience true growth, it’s my opinion that you must be open and accepting to people from all walks of life. But, I may be getting a bit ahead of myself. Let’s back up a bit…and introduce you to Billy.

Billy is a budding photographer, geographically desirable, 6’2, average build, blonde, blue eyes. He is also a father of 2 boys and 1 girl. He plays guitar (swoon!). Billy is a very interesting find, especially in the über-pretentious area that I live and play in. He’d much prefer the mom and pop coffee shop over the local Starbucks, a social non-conformist. Unshackled by the need to “keep up with the Jones'”, which I found instantly appealing. (Especially just coming off a date with a guy who drove 10 miles an hour on a street to avoid the excess water of sprinklers dirtying his newly-detailed and brand spanking new white BMW coupe.)

Oh, and Billy is also married and believes in Christian Polygyny. Think Big Love without all the Mormons. Now, before you get ahead of yourself, Billy was completely transparent in this particular aspect of his life even listing it on his profile. Immediately, I was curious. Fifty thousand questions began swirling inside my head. Everything from “How does that work?”, “How do you date?”, “I know your wives are sharing you, but are you sharing your wives?”…which in the grand scheme of things probably sounds like the most trivial of questions. But, cut me some slack…this is totally foreign territory for me.

After texting for days and having a pretty lengthy phone conversation. I agreed to meet Billy for coffee on a Sunday afternoon. I obviously wasn’t sure what to expect, but was open-minded enough and accepting enough to know that, even if this wasn’t a belief that I subscribed to, Billy and I had the potential of becoming friends. And after all, there’s nothing wrong with that.

The weather was absolutely beautiful so we sat on the patio sharing stories from our hometowns, childhood, children, marriage, etc. We spent hours together that afternoon and it felt surprisingly comfortable. I think there’s something to be said for the ability to sit in silence with someone and not feel eager to fill that silence with mindless chatter. That, to me, is the true testament on whether or not you’re at ease with someone.

Now, I’m sure most of you have been judging Billy throughout this post and probably me as well for being open-minded and accepting enough to meet him. And to those people I say this: although there is something to be said about holding steadfast to your beliefs, far be it from you or I to judge anyone for living their life according to theirs. Billy is a wonderful father and wants nothing but the best for his family, and that…my friends, is extremely admirable.

I look forward to getting to know Billy and his family better. He lives his life completely open about his beliefs and in a close-minded, judgmental society that typically results in very few close friends.

So, here’s to making new friends, embracing diversity in beliefs and religion, and keeping an open mind.

***Afterthought: How can a society idolize a man who lives with multiple girlfriends…not truly committing to any of them and condemn another who’s willing to commit to spend his life with more than one woman? Marinate on that for a while…

Here I Go Again…

I keep finding myself dating the same guy. Date after date I meet these seemingly normal guys, we have fun together, there’s a little flirtation, sometimes some good old-fashioned making out – then they just kind of fade away into oblivion. (I pretend they get abducted by aliens and have their memories extracted for human research). But sometimes, someone different comes along. Someone who wants to make plans way in advance. Someone who is nervous and awkward (in a cute way), complimentary and chivalrous. Someone who wants to actually spend quality time getting to know me. And, as fate would have it, these are the guys I am typically not attracted to at all.

Let’s take a look at my most recent date with Mr. Nice Guy.

Mr. Nice Guy and I texted for a few weeks. He was out of town on business and asked me if I’d like to go out on a date when he got back in town. He seemed like a nice enough guy, the pics that I’d seen he seemed mildly attractive. And one thing I’ve learned from online dating is that most guys look better in real life than they do in their pics.

So…we agreed to go to a Dallas Stars hockey game. Mr. Nice Guy got the tickets and we agreed to meet halfway between our houses and ride out together, since he also had a parking pass for the game. He got there early (always a good sign) and I pulled up in front of his brand new shiny, spotless white BMW Coupe. He got out of his car as I approached, gave me a hug, opened my door for me (big brownie points) and we were on our way. The conversation there was fun, lighthearted and entertaining. He asked me about some of the questions I answered on the site and we talked about our profiles and mutual interests (traveling, good craft beer, etc). All in all, I was feeling very relaxed and became increasingly optimistic about the evening as we pulled up to the American Airlines Center.

We had a great conversation throughout the game. Geeking out on Home Theater equipment, which is a rare treat for me because most guys have no idea what I’m talking about when I get going on the topic. He did pull the whole stretch to put his arm around me, but it came off as sweet and I could tell he was a little nervous.

Because our date was going so well, he offered up a late dinner at Victor Tango’s. Dinner was good, a bit quiet but good. Mr. Nice Guy picked up the check and we headed back north.

He offered to go hang out somewhere else or we could go back to his place…have some wine and continue chatting. He wasn’t sending any red flags up at all and was nothing but a gentleman the entire evening, so I agreed to go back to his apartment.

Mr. Nice Guy makes a good first impression. He lives in a young urban community. His apartment was a nice, spacious two bedroom with hardwood floors. He gave me the quick tour and poured us a glass of wine and we continued chatting although now he was a bit more relaxed. We sat and talked for about an hour. Flirting, although sitting on opposite sides of his brown leather couch. The he stood up and headed to the patio door. I followed his lead thinking he wanted to go outside.

Then…Mr. Nice Guy turned to hug me and made his move.

Although I was glad he made his move, Mr. Nice Guy…was not a very good kisser,which is always a bummer; and he kept saying “awesome” throughout our little make out session.

After a while, he took me back to my car and we said our goodbyes with plans to see each other again. The only downfall to the evening is driving back to my car we had to drive through a street with excess sprinkler water puddles. Mr. Nice Guy drove a brand spanking new shiny white BMW coupe that he just paid $300 to detail (a fact I could have gone without knowing). So, during this part of the evening we drove a whopping 5mph as not to disturb the pristine condition of his car. This is a bit of a buzzkill for me and I was very tempted to ask him to place a dollar in the douchebag jar.

But now that the newness and excitement has worn off a little, I find myself on the fence. Although Mr. Nice Guy and I have a lot of shared interests and I think we’d make a great match on paper. I can see our relationship playing out in my head already. I’ve dated Mr. Nice Guy before. He always likes me more than I like him. He’s so nice and agreeable that he never challenges me on a mental level. When that vital piece is missing, I lose interest. Never wanting to be the bad guy, our relationship drags out longer than it should. After all, who wants to hurt Mr. Nice Guy? Not me! Ultimately it ends with him being hurt and me feeling guilty.

Which makes me wonder, is there a nice guy that exists who is not only nice…but opinionated (in a good way) and confident enough to step up when he needs to? put his foot down when necessary? challenge me on a mental level? hold my interest?

I have an open mind about Mr. Nice Guy and plan on spending more time with him to see where things go. But I am beginning to wonder if what I truly want, and need, exists. And if so, am I just looking in the wrong places? or is he already married?

It’s this introspection that’s led me to long overdue decision to bring my online dating experiment to an end.

New plan: meet someone in the real world and let the relationship naturally evolve into something more substantial.

New contingency plan: if aforementioned plan doesn’t work, start adopting cats.

Karaoke Kisses and Vegas Bomb Dreams…

It all started with a simple message:

I immediately responded to his message after determining that this guy was geographically desirable and, although he only had one picture up, was attractive. His name was Casey, he worked in Training and Support at a software company. Has two sons. And his “creative outlet” is playing guitar. (Big bonus points in my book for musical ability). After exchanging multiple messages online, I took the initiative to ask if he’d like to text. Casey wasted no time in asking me if I’d like to meet. Proposing that we meet up at a local pub later that evening.

If I’m being completely honest with you, I didn’t know that I was really interested and I wasn’t really up to going out.  But it’s important for me to get out of my comfort zone. It was a Tuesday night, so if I needed to cut the date short – I had a completely legitimate excuse locked and loaded.

We met at 8:30pm at the Holy Grail. He beat me there by a few minutes and secured a booth right at the front. He greeted me with a smile and a hug. We sat across from each other and had a great conversation about our interests, hobbies, kids, work, etc. I found out that, not only did Casey play guitar, but one of he loved to karaoke as well. Mentioning he’s been dying to find a girl to duet with him. (Specifically to Seether ft. Amy Lee – Broken). All the while I was thinking how this guy was so much cuter than his picture made him out to be. He was 6’2, dark hair, dark eyes, glasses, the most amazing dimples, nice tan, nice body, great smile. Basically a walking talking checklist of what I’m attracted to. During our few hours at the Holy Grail Casey had a few beers, I had been doing my best to be a good girl and only drank water. Despite his best attempts at tempting me to drink with him.

Not ready for the night to end, we decided to go to another local bar for a change of atmosphere. As fate would have it, we walked in to find it was karaoke night. We looked at the stage, then at each other and it was game on. But first, I was going to need a little liquid courage. So, a red-headed slut  and a beer and we were primed and ready to duet. Normally, I don’t get nervous – but there’s something about this guy that had my stomach in knots on stage with him. For our first duet, it wasn’t bad. I found out he’s got a great voice and I think he was pleasantly surprised with mine as well. Let me tell you, karaoke-ing with someone on your first date is a very unique bonding experience. So we sat back down at the bar and had Vegas Bombs (my first experience) and a few more beers.

There’s something to be said about a certain magnetism that happens when you’re on a first date. Arm grazing became hand holding, hand holding became arm around the waist, and somewhere along the way the distance between our lips became increasingly smaller until they met. Pulling away slowly, he said “that was really nice…”and leaned in again. I was smitten. Already.

hello butterflies

When the bar closed, he walked me out to my car. It’s been a long time since I’ve enjoyed kissing someone so much that I lost track of time. This was one of those moments. Until we got interrupted by a strange guy walking out of the bar telling us he just got barred for life. Here’s the best part. As this drunk guy is climbing into his car (which was a bad idea, if you’re going to drive -be a responsible drinker), he says this to Casey: “You want my advice, man? Marry that girl. She loves you. She’s cute and she loves you. It’s better to marry someone that loves you than to be the one in love. Which one would you want?” Of course at this point, we’re both laughing…but in unison respond with, “hopefully both!”

Casey and I hung out a few times after this night but due to conflicting schedules and wanting different things, we let things fizzle out.

Just goes to show you, the most amazing chemistry…those initial fireworks are sometimes exciting and pretty to look at but have a very short lifespan.

Close Encounters of the Redneck Kind

I’m a Texas native. Born and raised in the very beautiful and very boring West Texas area, so I’m no stranger to country boys. That being said, there are different types of country boys. My favorite is the southern gentleman. I believe every country boy has a bit of this instilled into them if they were raised right. However, there are also the other types of country boys. The redneck is the most well-recognized breed. A breed that I almost forgot existed since I’ve moved to this thriving metropolis several years back. Apparently, I needed some reminding…

I was messaged by Michael a few months ago and he seemed genuinely sweet. However with my busy schedule and the fact that he lives in Lufkin (which is far east Texas), meeting each other just wasn’t an option. Michael was a single father, had a job as a machinist and is your regular run of the mill hunter and fisherman type. We spoke on the phone a few times. I was either intrigued or disinterested in him after hearing his thick East Texas accent…I couldn’t really decide which. Michael was adamant about meeting me. And even made plans to spend a weekend here in Dallas. Going as far as to book a hotel for the weekend and leaving planning our date on Friday up to me.

I met Michael at his hotel room in Addison for our date. I left my car there and he drove. We went to one of my favorite sushi places in Addison for dinner first. And as soon as we were seated, Michael was seemingly fascinated with the scenery. Commenting (in the loudest and most country accent I’ve heard): “Wow! This place is nice! Very retro! These lights are awesome and that swirly thing up on top of the bar is really cool!” Immediately, I wished I was recording this date. I’d been needing some new blog-material and Michael was going to fit the bill.

Our waitress came over to take our order. I ordered sushi and Michael ordered from the Hibachi grill. As our server walked away, she paused and came back to the table. She had forgotten to take Michael’s soup order. So, she asked him: “Which soup would you like sir? The onion? or the Miso soup?” To which Michael responded, ” What’s Miso soup? What’s in that? I’ve had onion soup before so I know what that is…ah hell, I might as well try somethin’ new. Bring the Miso soup.” Embarrassed by the volume and context of his last statement, I laughed a bit under my breath and took a drink of water. We made some simple conversation about his upcoming vacation, his sons, some of his dating experiences, etc. When dinner arrived, I found out that Michael was a sloppy eater. Like a pig eatin’ slop….he hungrily and messily devoured his meal leaving nothing on his plate. After an dinner, we ordered sake. He’d never had any so I was curious as to what his reaction would be. His first taste of sake left him with a soured expression followed by: “Whoooo-ie that tastes like straight vodka!”

Our next stop was the Dallas Museum of Art. After a few minutes of exploring the gallery, we stumbled upon a photo exhibit. It’s concept was a bit abstract, and as I was admiring the work I noticed a look of utter confusion on Michael’s face. So, I asked him what he thought of the piece. (As I stated, Michael is a bit loud when he speaks)…his response was: “I don’t geeet it.” I told him that we’d keep moving and hopefully find something he could appreciate. After a few hours and several outbursts on his part; the most memorable being him asking a security guard, “How do you guys geeet this thangs back and forth places? Som’ o’ these thangs are so big!”…I decided it was time for us to leave.

He wanted to stop for a drink on the way back to the hotel and at that point, I felt that I earned one as well. So, I took him to the Flying Saucer. Michael asked me what I liked and without hesitation I pointed out my personal favorite beer on the menu, Delirium Nocturnum. After a few drinks and Michael’s order of hot wings which he ate with just as much gusto as our dinner, we retreated back to his hotel. One big bear hug and an attempted kiss goodnight and I headed home.

Michael’s a sweet guy but mentioning momma, shootin’ skeet, fishin’ and telling me about the first time he ate squirrel were just a little too much for me. I may have been raised in West Texas but I’m a bona-fide city girl now and I think I’ll stick to the southern gentleman breed from now on.

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

Your online dating profile is basically a testament to your ability to market yourself. What exactly do you want your ad to say? Who is your target audience? How do you want to portray yourself? All need to be answered before you can successfully create your online dating persona. As Chris Rock once said, when you meet someone for the first time you’re not meeting them, you’re meeting their representative.

Today, we’re going to focus on your profile pic. Let’s face it boys and girls, when you stumble upon someone’s profile 9 out of 10 times you look at the pics first. We live in superficial world and it’s only natural to spend your time with someone you’re attracted to. Since it seems most of you are lost on picking out pics for these sites…

Let me give you some examples of WHAT NOT TO DO:

You may a very proud father and a great one at that. But, please oh please…DO NOT put your kids up on your online dating profile. I’d hope you’d want your potential mate checking you out and not your offspring.

You love your pet, I get it. But there’s just something inexplicably creepy about a guy and his cat. Keep the kitty out of your pics please.

Ahhh…the bathroom mirror pic. It has many incarnations. If you need a full body shot guys, find a mirror that doesn’t highlight the toilet in the background or your closet’s floor lined with dirty clothes.

OH YEAH!!! Now we’re talking. Anytime you can photoshop a skyline and disproportionate clouds in the background…I go weak in the knees. And you give me multiple poses to boot? This pic might as well be named Prince Charming. Seriously guys, this is tacky and entirely unnecessary.

and last but not least…

You may take pride in the fact that you have a nice car or motorcycle or boat. But why upload a pic of it on your dating profile? Do you want me to date you because you have nice things? Are you just trying to prove that you have reliable transportation. What is the thought process that goes on here?

…Seriously, that’s not a rhetorical question. I want to know. Anyone?! Bueller?!

It’s A Mad World

I may be crazy, but it keeps me from going insane.
~Waylon Jennings

*Martin

I met Martin through an online dating site we’ll call AlrightStupid. When we first chatted, he wanted to meet right away (same day). Unfortunately, for Martin, I had plans and couldn’t meet. He didn’t take this too well and became immediately upset with me. Major red flag right there. In fact, he wrote me off as a flake and was unwilling to reschedule.

I wrote Martin off as a complete and utter weirdo and carried on about my business.

A month or so later I got another message from Martin. Inviting me out again, apologizing for his behavior previously. I admired his ability to articulate himself so well so decided to give him another chance. After chatting a bit online, here’s what I found out about Martin:

He graduated from a prestigious university with a Masters in English. He used to be a 9th grade English teacher. He’s a published writer. Penning both short stories and poems. And he’s interested in making a major career move and going back to school to become a lawyer. Oh, and he’s a single father of a 6 year old little girl.

So far…so good.

So, we decided to meet…for coffee. Here’s what i learned on our coffee date: Martin is bipolar, was/is on medication, is an Alcoholic and in AA. He’d been to jail for letting his anger get the best of him when he walked in to find his wife with another man.

Now, you should know something about me.

I’m no saint, and in no position to cast judgement on anyone else. So, I do my best to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.

But…(and this is a BIG but in this case), there are some things I just can’t afford to ignore.

-Bipolar Disorder. He’s admitted that he’s been on and off his meds. Not a good sign.

-Anger Issues. Yet another red flag. (Although given the situation he described to me when he lost control, I can’t necessarily say that I blame him).

-Admitted Alcoholic. Well, this kind of puts a kink in things. Especially since I like going to bars and pubs (mainly because I like the atmosphere).

When our chat had reached a plateau, we took a quick walk and made our way back to our respective vehicles. Martin then asked if he could kiss me.

Quick note: I find it a big of a mood killer when a guy asks permission first. I understand why he would, getting slapped could be a bit of a buzzkill. But please, don’t ask. Just go in for the kiss and leave it to us to strategically dodge it if we’re not interested.

After politely declining Martin’s request, we decided to end with a hug and part ways.

Note: Months later Martin began texting me. Asking to see me again. Needing some new material, I figured – what the hell…

I met Martin again tonight. He immediately seemed happy to see me. However, i noticed he looked tired and sad. Trying to make light of the months that passed between our last date and our current meeting, I asked where he disappeared to. He then confessed that he had been admitted into a mental institution (for various reasons, none of which he elaborated on). That alone was enough for me to wrap this date up and head home, I’d spent enough time in his Mad World.

Worst of the Firsts: Tyler

Last week I received a message from Tyler. It was a simple “hi” message (see previous blog post here). After taking a quick gander at Tyler’s profile, I decided to respond with a simple hello. He responded with this: “You are gorgeous! what are you doing on this site? haha” and it definitely brought a smile to my face. So after sending a few messages back and forth online, our communication progressed to exchanging texts. Tyler seemed sweet and fun and kind of flirty, so when he asked to meet I was more than willing to accommodate his request.

Now, I have a thing for tall guys…did I mention Tyler is 6’4? swoon! I digress…

Tyler and I made plans to meet at Sherlock’s Pub and Grill in Dallas on Monday night. We met at the entrance of Sherlock’s and decided on a corner booth. Almost immediately after sitting down, Tyler started shaking his leg. Now, I realize this is just a habit for some people – but when you’re first meeting someone you can’t help but interpret this as a sign of anxiety. So, with his leg-a-shakin’ and seemingly non-existent eye contact right off the bat, it took the wind of out of my sails a little. But, it was still early on.

After Tyler ordered a rum & coke, the inevitable q&a portion of the first date had barely come under way when a booming voice came over the speakers. The manager of this fine establishment was announcing that it was BINGO NIGHT at Sherlock’s, lucky us! So…,ladies and gentlemen, drumroll please……..

After the first few numbers called over the unnecessarily loud speakers, we quickly realized that conversing was going to be virtually impossible. So, we had to wait between the breaks in games to chat. This only increased the initial awkwardness. We were on our second round of Bingo, Tyler was on his second drink and we had a brief chance to chat. So, I opened up the floor to him – asking if he had anything he’d like to know about me. He paused for a second and a smile crept across his face as he said, “Uhmm…yea, what’s your name?” My jaw must have hit the floor for a second. I asked him if he was being serious, and he said yes. Apparently (to his credit) I skipped the crucial part of introducing myself to him somewhere along our communication path.

Now, as hard I try to have a good time (regardless of whether I plan on ever seeing the guy again), it’s hard to keep things light and fun if you feel as though:

a)the other party isn’t interested in the least and/or

b) they’re not really contributing much to the conversation

After the end of Bingo Game 3, Tyler asked for the check and tabbed out. He walked me out to my car, we hugged good-bye and I headed home with a contented feeling. Our date was about an hour long, it wasn’t dragged out. Clearly he wasn’t interested in me, so…c’est la vie.

I must admit, on the drive home I was a little bummed. Tyler was cute, and he seemed so exciting and fun and flirtatious in our communication before we met. The only logical explanation I could conclude was that his attraction to me didn’t translate to real life.

Two hours later, I received as text from Tyler.

Tyler: So were you interested?

Me: Lol. I got the distinct impression that you weren’t .

Tyler: Y?

Me: You seemed either nervous or anxious. (or maybe weirded out since you didn’t know my name). haha

Tyler: I was very attracted to you, but I didn’t think you were into me.

Me: I totally did not get that vibe from you.

Tyler: You weren’t as flirtatious as you were in your texts.

Me: Neither were you. Maybe my game was thrown off by the Bingo.

Tyler: We’re just going to have to try this again then.

classic case of mixed signals

Tyler and I have a tentative date for next week. I figured since he had the courage to actually ask if I was interested, I owe it to him to give it another shot.

Here’s hoping Date #2 far succeeds the standards set forth on Bingo Night.

You Never Get A Second Chance To Make A First Impression

Being a female on an online dating site is hard work. Painstakingly selecting photos to post, agonizing over what to put in your self-summary, it can be a bit stressful. Once your profile is up and running, you’re then subjected to the most excruciating part of the online dating process: what I like to call the Hurry Up and Wait phase.

Let’s face it, we women don’t really have to go out and message guys. We basically just need to log in on a regular basis and check our messages. Therein lies the fun part. The First Message.

From my vast experiences with online dating sites, I find that there are 3 different types of messages.

1) The Hi Message

The Hi Message is plain and simple. It’s like dipping your toes into the water. You’re not really committing to anything or spending a lot of time on the message. You’re simply sending a message with a very basic greeting.

Here is an real life example of a Hi message:

Subject: Hi

Hello, how are you doing?

It’s rare that I respond to one of these messages. But depending on how much time I have and what they’re profile pic looks like – maybe I’ll give their page a quick view.

2) The Thoughful Message

The Thoughtful Message is a more elaborate Hi message. They usually focus on something in your profile, as to make you think that they did not jump straight to your pictures first. (By the way guys, we already know that you look at the pics first….so do we.)

Here is a real life example of The Thoughful Message:

Subject: Hello

I happened to bowl left or right handed so you don’t even know which way i’m coming. I see you watch fringe what was up with the crappy animation in this latest episode ugh. Sorry I do 3d animation and it was hard to look at. Also like the picture of you snacking on your sleeve it looks tasty. Message me back if you feel like it. Oh and Beard yes its awesome right?

This message is more likely to get some type of response. If it’s obvious that the guy put forth the effort to read my profile, then I’ll take the time to type up a response.

3) The Straight To The Point Message

The Straight To The Point Message is my favorite. This guy gets right down to brass tax. Screw being inappropriate! He’s here for a reason and he’s not beating around the bush in his initial email (pun completely intended).

Let me give you an example (this is actually a pretty tame one):

Subject: Hi

I don’t want to be rude and there’s no real smooth way to say this so I would just like to know if we could have a purely sexual relationship. Don’t get me wrong, we can be friends too. If something comes of it…awesome. But, I’m mainly looking for a sexual relationship with just one person. Someone to call whenever I want it and vice versa. If I offended you, I’m sorry. That is not my intention. But, I’d rather be upfront with you than most of these guys that are not.

Thanks and I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, just look at is like saving you a ton of time on emails and dates. lol.

Thanks,

Joe

For those of you wondering, Joe did not get a response back. I find it’s best to handle these messages by ignoring them completely. I have to imagine that when typing these up, the messenger HAS to assume that either he’ll get a very strongly worded response or get completely ignored. Or maybe I should simply respond with a simple ” I wish you the best of luck” and this:

Or maybe, just maybe…this illustration sums up Joe’s expectations.

Either way, consider yourself warned as this is what you’ll be exposed to when you dive into the wacky world of online dating.

A quick tip to the senders of such aforementioned messages:

> If your message goes unanswered please take that lack of response as a message in, and of, itself. Sending multiple messages just makes you seem desperate.

Until next time…

A Date with Destiny – As Told By Matt

I’d like to thank my good friend Matt for sharing this story with me. This is the email I received from him regarding one of his online dating disasters…enjoy!

*Destiny~

I had the misfortune on going on another disaster of date from OKC about a week or so ago.

Her name was Destiny. This time the age was right, and when we were chatting no red flags went off at all. Which is a rarity in, and of. itself. So, I was pretty excited that this one might pan out.

This may sound a bit premature, but stay with me. We’ve now reached the time to start playing a little game I like to call: Count the Red Flags!

First, she texted me saying she was running a little late. Oh, and that she was wearing shorts, flip-flops, and a tank top “without a bra, lucky you“!!!

So, I had to pay for my drink and find another bra…I mean bar… where she might actually be allowed inside. Destiny arrived and sat down on the same side of the booth as me and after ordering a drink, she let her hand fall down and rested it on my leg. I hardly ever find myself speechless but I was so shocked I had no idea what to do.

Destiny tries to start up a conversation, but all I’m thinking about is this stranger’s hand is on my leg. We start talking about old jobs. She confided in me that she used to be a dancer.

Unfortunately she didn’t make much money doing that, so she switched to private bachelor parties. During these parties was when she started doing hardcore drugs and got pregnant.No idea who the Dad was.

She then went into detail about how she would make a game out of seeing how many soon to be husbands she could get to come home with her. Oh, and she also mentioned how she would sometimes snort coke off of…… I’ll clean her talk up for you…. male genitalia.

It was at that point that her hand started to “explore” my leg and asked me if I wanted to come over to her place tonight and “party.”

So I told her I would have to go to the bathroom first. Instead of going to the bathroom I paid for our drinks and made a mad dash for the door and then my car.

I counted ten red flags, did you?

I didn’t hold her being a dancer against her…but a man can only forgive so much. Just goes to show, I sure know how to pick ’em, huh?!

I wish I could tell you this was entirely made up, however I’m not that creative.

My experiences have me contemplating dumping my online profile. As of now, I’m undecided. I suppose I’m still hoping to meet someone normal. Which may prove to be a wild goose chase, but here’s hoping!

Worst of the Firsts: Spanky

Ladies and gentlemen, today I will be sharing with you a frightful tale based on a real-life dating experience. I’ve decided to compile a list of the best of the worst and this is the first entry. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. These accounts are factual (trust me, I couldn’t make this up if I tried).

*Spanky ~

Spanky and I met online. We had some great phone conversations and had reached the point where we were both eager to meet. However, Spanky decided that he wanted to meet on a night during a very important sporting event. Not being as big a fan as I was of this sport, he didn’t understand my initial hesitancy. See kids, I was afraid I wasn’t going to give Spanky my undivided attention…so I wanted to schedule for a different date or time. He persisted, and I agreed to meet him at one of my favorite pubs. I arrived a few minutes before him, so I secured a table for us in the slightly crowded, dark pub. He arrived a few minutes later, greeting me with a smile, and we had a few drinks and a little conversation. (Apart from the few inappropriate questions he asked: for instance, “How many guys have you been with?” and “What’s your kink?” this part of the evening was okay).

After a while, Spanky paid our tab and offered to walk me to my car.As soon as we rounded the corner from the pub to the parking lot, Spanky..spanked…me. Yes, you read that right…spanked me! Now, I was in shock that this man would think that was an appropriate thing to do when we hadn’t had any physical contact, but it gets better… After picking my jaw up from the floor, I laughed it off and continued on (at a slightly faster pace) to my car. When we arrived there, I thanked Spanky for the drinks and the company. Apparently this combination of words is code for “please try and shove your tongue down the back of my throat”. Unfortunately, I was unaware of this alternative meaning. After dodging Spanky’s kiss, I started to turn away from him and to my car, as I did…he pressed himself against me and started talking dirty to me! Wow! I’ll give him credit, this guy was persistent! So, thanking him again for the evening, I tried saying goodbye one last time. Spanky’s response was one of the most memorable dating moments of my life.

He countered my attempted goodbye with, “I know you don’t have sex on the first date…and I don’t either. But, I will let you watch me jerk off.” I believe I paused for a moment, allowing the words he just spoke to absorb into my mind. I needed a second or two to process what he said…My response to him was this: “I appreciate the offer, that’s very magnanimous of you…however, I do need to go home. Have a great night, Spanky.” I proceeded to start my car as quickly as possible and head for the safety of my home.

This date was full of, what I like to call, reality show camera moments. It’s the moments in life that are so surreal, you find yourself looking at a non-existent camera with a dumb-founded “did that seriously just happen” look on your face. Yep, that was me…stuck in some type of hidden camera dating show. But, it’s these experiences that make for great stories later.

As always, thanks for reading.

Online Dating…for Dummies

For most of my life I’ve been a serial monogamist. After my last break up, two and a half years ago, I decided to do myself a favor and enjoy being single for a while. So, I took myself off the market for a year or so and I found out that I actually enjoy the freedom of being single. I have a lot of friends and that gave me time to cultivate those friendships and maintain my ever-expanding social circle. But after a while, it got a little boring. So, I decided to try something new and venture into online dating.

Now, I had set some rules for myself going into the wild, wild world of online dating. This was my first real attempt to date and I figured I should develop a plan of attack.

Step 1: find someone you can connect with via messaging (which may sound simple, but it’s a lot harder than it seems). If that works, proceed to step 2.

Step 2: establish vocal communication. find out if you can hold a conversation with this person. Maintain such communication until you feel ready to meet in person.

Step 3: meeting. Always in a public place (and have an escape route).

After a few months of using this technique, what I quickly concluded was this: I…was… HORRIBLY…wrong. For anyone who knows me, you know that was hard for me to type.. Back to my point: The sooner you meet someone the better. In the world of online dating you quickly discover that most people don’t look like their pics, so physical attraction is hard to gauge unless you meet in real life. I don’t mean to come off as shallow, but let’s face the cold hard facts…if there is no physical attraction it’s hard to establish a mental or emotional connection. That’s just the way it works.

My second, and more eye-opening discovery: Be cognizant of what and who you portray yourself to be. If you don’t want to be viewed as a just a one-dimensional guy who’s always the first one with a beer in his hand…I recommend uploading more pics to suggest otherwise. Ladies – if you don’t want to be viewed as a sex object. Don’t have an overly sexual screen name or seductive, revealing pics up. (On that note, if that’s what you’re looking for I suggest some suggestive and flirtatious photos). Once you portray yourself as this person, you’ll find it damn near impossible to get someone to look at you differently. So, don’t be surprised when the conversation turns sexual on your first (or if you’re very lucky) second date. You implanted that image in your date’s head.

My third: Have fun. When you meet someone for the first time, odds are you’re both nervous and slightly awkward. Even if you realize you’re not meeting Prince Charming, why not have a good time while you’re out? Laugh, enjoy yourself (this may be the most memorable part of your date). And if you can’t have fun, don’t be afraid to address the situation and cut the date short. For all you know, just confronting that awkwardness could get you both laughing and the date could take a turn for the better…either way there is no point in prolonging the pain of a horrible date.

So, take this advice from someone who’s spent some time in the trenches. Online dating is an awkward experience in general, at least it was for me. Have fun with it! Happy Hunting!

Stupid Cupid says Hello

So,  I’ve been toying with the idea of creating a blog for quite some time. A  “day in the life of Belinda” type of outlet.  Thanks to my recent discovery of a few others, I realized this is something that I could have a lot of fun with. But first things first…

Some things you should know about me:

I am extremely sarcastic. I often get called a smartass. (Which i don’t mind at all, I kind of wear it like a badge of honor)

I am a workaholic. Which leaves little time for socializing.

I am a total snob. Especially where music and movies are concerned.

I am a serial dater and have accumulated a great many stories that I’m sure I’ll share via this blog.
Stay tuned…