Cupid’s Black Friday

It was Black Friday and I was nursing my food hangover and waking up from my tryptophan induced coma. I don’t play with the crowds who shop on the most notorious of retail holidays thanks to my experience as a retail store manager, so I was being lazy and getting increasingly restless at home. After all, there’s only so much bad TV one can watch! So I desperately needed to get out of the house…I needed a Black Friday Date.

Lucky for me, I’d been talking to a new guy online. Here’s a little about him: his name is Josh, he’s 29, plays rugby, is 6′ tall…so far so good. Oh, and he plays guitar and wears glasses. I don’t know what it is about this combination, but I’m a sucker for it. So, when Josh asked me to meet him on Friday night, I was excited. (Not quite sure if the excitement was due to my restlessness or meeting him). Josh wanted to meet at a bar near Uptown, which is a bit of a trek for me – but I agreed and headed out on the 45minute drive to meet Mr. Wonderful.

I arrive at the questionable establishment that Josh had picked out called The Grapevine.  Although Josh lives 10 minutes away, I managed to beat him there. It was an strange layout and a bit crowded so I went back to the patio and found a table for us and waited for my date. He showed up about 15 minutes later. Immediately he grabbed a double vodka tonic from the bartender and we found a table to sit down and chat.

I start probing Josh for information about himself, typical first date stuff. Where are you from? What do you do for fun? How’d you get into rugby? etc. I found out that he was married, divorced recently. He has a daughter and he splits custody with his ex.  He also told me about his travels while in the Navy. Yes, I dated another seaman. {insert Beavis and Butthead laugh here}. During his travels with the Navy he and his friend had some interesting adventures. One of which was in China. His friend preferred to stay in and order hookers as entertainment whereas Josh preferred to go out.

He then goes into this long story about his close encounters of the prostitute kind. Now midway through Josh’s story he pulls out his phone. And as he’s reading a text I notice something….

Okay, maybe he didn’t smell like potato chips. But he definitely had freakishly small hands. It’s weird and kind of makes me shudder. After Josh read his text he explained to me that it was from “this girl I met a long time ago at a party.” He explains that he gave her his number and she always texts him when she’s drunk. Then turns the screen to show me how many unanswered texts she’s sent him. At this point, I’m mentally checked out of the date based off the hooker stories I’ve just endured and to add insult to injury he decides to text her back.

Now, he’s on his second drink…I’m not drinking at all…and he’s texting some random drunk girl. He looks up at me and tells me when he’s done with his drink, he’s “outta here”. I’m oh-so-ready to leave, so I lie and tell him it was nice meeting him and head back home.

Total time span of date: 1hr

Total travel time: 1 hr and 20 minutes (round trip)

I can usually find some redeeming quality in the guys I meet  but this guy was inconsiderate, ill-mannered, self-absorbed and immature. I hope he met his drunk text girl and they live unhappily ever after.

As for me? I’m no longer agreeing to meet someone just for the sake of it. My time is far too precious to be wasted.