Open Mouth, Insert Foot

I met a man.

A man named John.

John sent me a pretty basic Hi message on OkCupid. In John’s pics he appeared to be a fun-loving guy, so I messaged him back. Almost immediately we exchanged numbers and started texting. After a few texts back and forth over the span of a week’s time John asked me out for dinner. His suggestion was Maggiano’s on Friday night.

Friday arrived and John called around 6 to confirm dinner reservations were made for 830pm. I met John at Maggiano’s, he greeted me with a friendly hug and we waited for our table. John was tall, very nice build and was a complete gentleman.  Upon meeting, he apologized to me. For what, you may ask? John is currently looking for work. He’s been home from the Navy for a few months and he is currently being pursued by a company in Iowa. Iowa?! Yes, Iowa. That’s where he grew up and his parents still live there. He tells me he’s in the middle of interviewing with this Iowa-based company and is flying out on Monday for the final round of interviews. Seeing this as an opportunity to have a different dating experience, I was oddly okay with the information. So, after we were seated, we ordered a glass of wine and appetizers and settled into the normal first date Q&A.

As our food arrived, John asked if  I minded praying with him before eat. So we joined hands and bowed our heads in prayer before diving in.  Yes, it was a bit awkward…but I found it admirable that he had such strong beliefs. John was not only attractive, but well mannered and well-spoken. He told me of his experiences in the Navy, sharing with me how he broke his leg in Turkey and the hellish ordeal that ensued afterwards to get him all fixed up. Seeing that John was most likely moving to Iowa soon, I chose to tell him about the blog. For obvious reasons, I typically choose NOT to bring this up on dates. He seemed genuinely intrigued and engrossed in my stories of some of my worst dating experiences and he, in turn, shared with me some of his. The conversation was effortless and we both seemed at ease with each other.  We got on the topic of women messaging men and how rare it is. John’s theory was these women weren’t getting a lot of messages so they had to be a bit more forward than others. Somehow in his explaining of what he looks for in a woman we got on the topic of single moms. John went on to explain, “I don’t have anything against single moms, I just don’t want to raise someone else’s kids…I mean, I don’t want to say damaged goods…but…”

At this point, I could no longer bite my tongue. I interjected with, “please stop talking…seriously, pleeeeease stop” and subsequently erupted in laughter. John was understandably taken aback by my sudden outburst of laughter and my interruption. So after I gathered myself I told him that I am a single mom.

John’s reaction? “No you’re not! If I saw that on your profile I never would have messaged you”. I had to go so far as to pull out my phone, pull up the dating site app and verify with him that my profile left that question unanswered. Here’s why: John doesn’t want to “raise anyone else’s kids.” I get it, dating a single mother is tough and it’s just not ideal for some guys. I went on to explain to John that my kids are teenagers. I’m not looking for someone to raise them. Most of the work has already been done. And I made a point to give him a helpful hint to NEVER use the terminology “damaged goods” regarding mothers.

We had a good laugh about the whole situation and continued to enjoy the evening and carry on our great conversation. When the night came to an end, John walked me out to my car and we said goodbye.

Other than the slight faux pas on his part, John was a perfect gentleman and I will credit him this: he made NO promises. I knew at the beginning of the date that he may soon be moving and he learned during our date that I don’t chase guys. The ball was in his court.

John texted a few times since our date but, as suspected, I haven’t seen him since. I wish him the best of luck on his search…and for this girl? My search continues…